It Does Happen

(Please click on the title for a reading aloud by the author.)

There may be an unlucky Brit who, albeit from a very different perspective knows this story. To this individual and to all the English, really and truly my father had nothing against you.

My father was a pilot in the U.S. Army Air Force and during World War II flew B-17’s on bombing missions over Germany. Flying back to England from one such mission he had to, well, relieve himself. These aircraft had a crew of ten and toilet facilities amounted to a thunder bucket in a corner, the cleaning of which was relegated to the first crew member who used it, regardless of rank. So of course everyone would wait and wait and wait. Then after the fellow who couldn’t wait any longer went; everyone went. Once back on the ground, cleanup was a terrible chore.

On this particular occasion my dad waited as long as he could. When he got to the thunder bucket he found it clean as a whistle. He was the first. Considering this unfortunate circumstance he had an idea. Homing pigeons were also on board (although not considered crew members), to fly reconnaissance data back to England. A capsule containing film or notes would be attached to their backs and prior to being dropped out of a hatch in the belly of the plane they would be put in a paper bag. This would protect them from the slipstream of air rushing past the fuselage and once dropped, the bird would flap it’s way out of the bag and fly to base. He took one of the bags, relieved himself in it, opened the hatch and let it go. Clever! After all, he was not captain of the ship for no reason.

On his way back to the pilot’s chair and no doubt feeling satisfied in more ways than one, he shouted above the din asking the navigator, “Where are we?”

The navigator responded, “Over London, Sir.”

Paper bags regardless of, contents, may or may not whistle like bombs when they fall through the air. My dad often expressed his regrets. “My only hope is,” he said, “if the poor bastard looked up, he at least kept his mouth closed.”

Gordon Bunker